Those moments when i was not writing

Terlalu banyak yang jadi. Tak tahu yang mana boleh kongsi sini.

Jadi, saya letak sikit-sikit sana- sini.

Saya buat kerja part time. Jadi observer untuk Ujian UKM-2 PERMATApintar Negara.

Oh ye. Saya pergi dengan 'dia'. Faiz. Kawan lama, yang juga pernah jadi the reasons of my smile and laughter.

*tak dapat lagi payment. saya sakit ati.

Saya dah dapat lesen kereta. Lesen motor jugak.

Pakej. Sekali dengan kulit yang itam dan muka berjerawat.

Beraya tahun ni tak berapa nak seronok. Ntah kenapa.

Saya ber graduasi. Hampir menangis di kala kaki melangkah ke dewan pengijazahan. Nanti saya cerita detail.

Saya bekerja selama sebulan di Pacific Bowl.

*Kurang lebih secara luaran ini yang jadi selama beberapa bulan yang sangat panjang.

Now that you are here...

Don't come to say you are sorry...because I am for you...
Don't ask me how to live because now i know better..
I thought perfect moment is a long journey---proven it's not..
Don't come to reminisce, because I stop doing it long time ago....
Things are not gonna be the same..
Thought I'm not gonna be sober..
Now I'm much better....
Can't believe I could view from different angle....
Won't lie about how happy I am...
Won't need that..
COS I AM.....

FRAIZZZ

at times u make me cry...
it happens when u lie..
i just know it...
still. u want to deny...

the more i know...
the more u ignore...
yes i know...
not all i know..
but it's enough you know?

i'm happy when u smile...
content when i became the reason of that smile..
we never bother about others...
at least i do because u, me is just enough..

i tried to be a new version of mumy..
and i know i lost the privilege of being me..
that's ok that's alright..
in a relationship we have to compromise.

things got out of hands..
i don't want it to end..
i know for sure..
this feeling i have is not over...

can't see you as what u used to be...
i just can't stand it...
when she's standing in between...

don't mind about the other lady..
they are beautiful...
i know that..
but they are beauty with brain...

this one..
i can't tolerate...
just can't accept it..
just don't get it...

so, i thought...
why not..
give her a shot...
maybe she worth a lot..

we are not kids anymore..
we are not newbies..
we are not strangers..

we know more than anyone know...
we feel more than anyone would feel..
we faced at least to the extent we had put our heart could stand...

why want to fight when it can be good?
why want to curse when we can be cool?

i love it.
to be asking about u.
to be learning about u.
to know new thing, day to day about u.

i like it.
to ask silly little Q...
to have to chose your shoe..
to talk more and more, it's ok if it's only about u..

remember mcd?
remember the FRAIZ?
remember how i said it?
remember how ur eyes blink with stars in it?

'u look nice, marry me'...
that just came out; out of the blue..
but i just love it...

the sound of it..the taste of it...
mcd FRAIZ...
i would call u that..

if u like that...

cos i like that....

fraiz....
i just love it...
i just can't get enough of it..
i just can't get rid of it...
how hard, how soft, how salty it is..
i just love it..
and faiz....
i just love u.

you and me

It was nothing new.

You and me.

That's how it will always be.

On the bench.

There we will be.

We were happy.

You and me.

It was rainy.

I'm happy.

That u are here.

Here with me.

Then came she.

Why it has to be?

Wasn't it supposed to be?

Just you and me?

I can't see.

Why on earth she wanted me

to leave and set you free.

Is this how u wanted it to be?

I am willingly.

If u ask me.

because I don't want to be

A burden to anybody.

On that day

I decided to choose my own way

there's nothing more to say,

to send her away,

I chose to walk away.

Put people to where they belong

I was with my friend when this thing occur to my mind. She tells another friend of mine that she looks cute in that plain sport t-shirt *which usually makes us looks like a nerdy nerd little school girl. I told her, "don't say that to her, u might make her feel shy". My friend said.

"Let her know that she's cute. It's not a crime."

From that day onwards, I observe people around me, and reflect my past.

There was this time, when I was in religion school, while waiting to perform my prayer, I told my friend that her other friend is beautiful. This person I spoke with is also beautiful, but she has an attitude which I don't really favor. What is it? Let me tell the whole story. After I told her about her friend, she looked at me and smile.

"She's not beautiful Asiah, she is just cute, not beautiful. There are a lot of category of nice-to-see-face, and she's not beautiful."

I can just say that she's beautiful, because she surely is. But i just can't bring myself to compliment her, because she expect me to put her to the higher place than her 'cute' friend has been placed. See. How can she said that about her own friend? I can't tell much about beauty. It is subjective. Maybe to her scale, she's beautiful, and her friend is just cute. But to my opinion, I can assume, her beauty lessen by her attitude.

Why would we want to put people to where they belong? simple.

IT'S WHERE THEY SHOULD BE.

"Do not reject good idea from whom you don't like."

This is another thing I learnt. We tend to reject ideas which came from our enemy, or rival. Why is that so? Because we hate them. Isn't that obvious? Maybe we should start to see things from another angle. Maybe their ideas is not so bad at all. Hate the person, don't hate their ideas.

Of all things that should be put in their place, to condemn people is one thing which we should not put in the appropriate place. I mean, if you saw one super-hideous person pass by, would you go and tell him. " You are a one hideous creature ". That would be so bad.....

There are some things which can and cannot be put on their place. If we think by putting it on it's right place, the world will be a better place, then, do the deed, put it to where it belong. If we are sure it will make this world grew bitter, just swallow the words, and forget about it.

"Kalau takde benda baik nak kata, baik diam."

*pesanan untuk diri sendiri juga ye Asiah, si kaki gosip.

SMILE & TEARS

Both smile and tears play significant role in expressing emotion. From what I learnt in Emotion Management, it is proven across culture that laughing is an expression of happiness and crying is an expression of sadness. But in some other time and situation, different things could happen; it happens the other way around.

Tear is a tool of expressing feelings. Most of the time, it became a manifestation of sadness. But there are some other times people would cry of happiness. ‘Tears of joy’ some would say. I have witnessed it a few times. A friend of mine can’t help it but to cry after a moment of laughing. Amazing how one would cry out of happiness. But I take it as her expression of being super happy on that particular time. That proves that we are having a real good moment together as friends that she can move to tears from a wackiest laugh. That’s fine with my other friends and me.

‘Tears of joy’. I first heard of it when I watch a drama of one who had just deliver a baby. Most mothers would cry just after they hold their babies. Delivering babies is a miracle I would say. Just amazing of how a human being lives in and came out from a mother. That situation and feeling’s indescribable. Not that I have give birth to a baby, it just that, looking at a baby makes me feel the happiness that the mother felt. I would love to feel that one day.

To see one cry out of happiness is soothing enough but if it happens the other way around? What would you say?

One could laugh the loudest, wackiest and in most ridiculous way to hide her true feelings. I read somewhere; it says ‘when one smiles when she is supposed to cry, she is actually holding her most inner sadness inside’. *Something like that. It’s real hard to tell if one is in deep sad feelings when she is laughing. Maybe they are just not ready to share or maybe she thought that there’s not use of shedding tears for things which had happened. Or maybe it’s just too deep to bring it out surface.

I also share the same experience with a friend who tends to hide his sadness with a laugh. We hang out, we laugh, we smile, we talk, and I can’t trace a single sparks of sadness in his presence. He is almost the same as other friends that I talked to. One day, he told me that he is facing the hardest moment in his life. His family is breaking up, and he can’t do anything about that. That’s a big test for anyone who just can’t afford to lose grip. But he survived. I am happy and grateful that he can overcome what had happened.

I have some of those experience myself. Just when I want to cry hard, the tears just won’t come. I can literally feels the bitterness in my throat, but not a single tear came out. I swallow what I felt. Now I know that in the hardest moment and situation, our mind and consciousness tells us not to break down. Just breathe and pray that it would be okay. Thank God, I feel better then, and now.

Maybe in some rare moment, we tend to hide what we feel because it is too big and private to share with other. But we must never forget that there are a lot of people who are willing to share our happiness and sadness. Sadness which is shared became thinner; happiness which is shared became thicker.

SHARING IS CARING.

Jot down what you are grateful for

1. To be born in a big happy family.

2. To be name 'ASIAH HARON'. I love the sound of it. Like a product.

3. To have been introduced 'Lemon Tree' song by my sister-Achom, for that was one of the reason I want to learn English.

4. To have been allowed to be boyish when I was a little girl, I can experience more than just playing with Barbie.

5. To be sent to 'tempat mengaji Cik Pin. Alhamdulillah, I can read Holy-Quran.

6. To be introduced to Coldplay by my brother .I now know what types of music fit my ears well.

7. To be in a puppy love with him. I get lots of poem. Tq.

8. To be forced to enter High School/form 6 by my father.

*and here I am at UKM.

9. To know my best friend, Azie, -went through crazy stuff together.

10. To broke up with him when I'm in the middle of work.

*less time to be in self-pity situation.

11. To be blessed with great health, no serious illness.

* Tonsillitis is consider minor

12. To have good companion here, right now.

MADAT

Most of all, I am grateful to Allah s.w.t for he is the reason why I have this happiness and so many more to experience. Alhamdulillah.